Solo Vulva Play: A How to Guide

Step 1: Getting to know yourself

Welcome to Cake's 3-step guide to better sex. We will walk you through 3 important steps: getting to know yourself, communication & consent, and trying something new in the bedroom. Complete each one of these steps before moving onto the next, and be sure to note what feels particularly good, and what doesn’t.

The first step to having a better sex life is knowing yourself...intimately. We've set out 10 exercises to enhance your "me time" and spice things up a bit. Be patient with yourself and have fun!

let your fingers do the work

The best tool for solo play is....your hand. Toy Wonder works well as a lubricant for good old finger-to-clitoris self-play. However you want to do it, a couple pumps of Toy Wonder will help things feel appropriately amazing.

 

set the mood

This is 100% about you and your own pleasure. Recognize how important that is. Take an extra minute to adjust the lighting, get any supplies that you might want, and settle into a comfortable spot. Start to think about people and situations that turn you on. Don't rush–embrace the moment.

 

say it out loud

There’s nothing wrong with getting it done quickly and quietly. But verbalizing your fantasies out loud, describing what you’re doing, or pretending you have a partner to talk dirty to is mighty liberating (and hot). Don’t be afraid to use your voice.

 

venture beyond the v

Don’t forget your other erogenous zones while you’ve having solo sex. Nipples, inner thighs, venus mound (the area where your pubic hair grows), buttcheeks and anus can all be incredibly satisfying to explore.

 

change positions

There’s probably a way you’re used to doing self-play—and we’re not knocking it. But changing up positions can be a fresh way to feel new sensations.

 

slow it down

Much of our cultural exposure to self-play shows it happening really fast and rhythmically, even for people with vaginas. Don’t feel any pressure to get yourself off so quickly—it’s not a race! Slow it on down, and then go even slower than that. See? Savoring makes a difference.

 

check yourself out

Get in front of a mirror, a camera, or record a quick phone video for your own use. It may really turn you on to watch you enjoy yourself. This is about self-love, after all.

 

under cover

You love that delicious feeling of skin-to-skin contact. But have you tried rubbing yourself through your shorts, your underwear, or even a sheet? It’s a totally different sensation. Is this counterintuitive to what we’re selling? Most definitely. But it’s fun and it feels good, so feel free to ditch the lotion and try this simple technique.

 

a helping hand

Even though our Natural Sex Lube can be great when you're playing on your own, if you have a consenting partner, then by all means you can share the wealth. It's also organic, pH-balanced, water and aloe-based to make sure you can have healthy, clean fun.

 

O isn't always the end goal

Orgasms are great—we certainly won’t deny that. But self-play doesn’t have to be all about that one moment. It’s also an opportunity to learn about what feels pleasurable for your own very specific body, mind, and soul. If you have an orgasm, great! If you don’t, that’s great! This is about spending time with yourself and feeling good.

 

Congratulations! You've completed our 10 exercises for solo vulva play. The fun is just beginning, so feel free to move onto the next step– consent & communication.